The Most Wonderful Time Of Year

Hello! I miss having time to just sit down and write blogs. With 2 toddlers that are extremely extraverted and high energy its hard to get down time. Especially when Patrick is gone a lot, I don't have him to play with the kids while I blog. Which is the reason I am taking advantage of this moment that I have this morning. I am dreading this holiday season but also very excited about it! This holiday season will look different then how it was all growing up. My family has kind of all gone their own way since losing my grandma. So, there won't be a Christmas celebration with my side of the family. My 2 aunts that live in Boston will be coming out to CA the week of Christmas so, we will get to hang out with them for most of the day after Christmas. It breaks my heart that things aren't how they used to be. But, I am looking forward to the new traditions that Patrick and I have created as a family. We will continue our traditions with his mom and dads side of the family and we are able to do our own little thing. That part makes me so excited. The kids are old enough to open presents and get excited about them then go outside and play with presents! Just what I remember doing as a kid. I can't wait to experience that again through my kids and watching them.

Let me get real and honest for a minute. While Patrick has been in Paramedic School and working part time at In N Out, we only make enough money to pay our bills and debt (mostly medical after having Annabelle). We don't pay for rent or groceries. We just pay for our gas and specific toiletry items. Other than that, my in laws have been completely supporting us! We have been getting support also from the set of in laws that we don't live with and Patricks grandparents. Its been SO HUMBLING to rely on our family to support us and provide for us and our kids in a way that we can't. It HURTS so bad to be in this position. With the kids this young Patrick and I agreed that it wouldn't be worth me working during this time. Any money I would make would be what I pay a babysitter or day care to watch the kids while I work. So, that just won't work. As soon as Joshua starts preschool I might be able to find work that I can do a couple days a week and leave Annabelle with family on those days. Or do more work on my business (hair and makeup for weddings and events) while Joshua is in school and Annabelle is napping. Either way, we decided that I need to stay home with the kids and that makes it even harder financially. I've cried a few times already as Christmas is approaching because we don't have money to buy gifts for our kids. Now, let me just say, the kids will have PLENTY of presents and toys! They will not be without gifts to open and enjoy. As a mom, I want to give something to my kids that I worked for and purchased and specifically chose for them. So, its not because they need gifts, its just my own desire to get presents for them. This year, God has been so good and we are so blessed by all of our families and what they are getting for the kids that I know my kids won't be without the joy of the Christmas experience. So this year, I am giving my kids my love, my care, and my attention.

This holiday season I am taking as many pictures and videos of them and just mentally capturing sweet moments that I want to hold on to the rest of my life. I don't want to raise my kids to EXPECT and require a bunch of gifts for Christmas. I want to raise them to be thankful for what they do get and not be dissapointed in how much they got. Holidays season is about coming together as family and spending time together. We are so grateful for the love and support around us to make this time of year something memorable for my kids and us as a family. I am looking forward to having our own house and hosting Christmas and Christmas parties for our family and giving my kids all of the memories that I had growing up.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!