The Struggle is Real

These past few days have been more challenging for me as a mom of 2 young ones only 16 months apart. Usually, the kids are pretty well behaved and we stick to a good schedule so they nap and eat well. I don't know if I'm just getting really tired and it's my mindset or if the kids are just starting to get more challenging...or maybe both.

Patrick is still working crazy hours and it is exhausting for both of us! He has applied to a few different fire departments and is in different stages with each department. We are hoping he gets hired on in the next year or so. With that, this schedule is conditioning us for what is to come with the firefighter schedule. So, I see it as an opportunity to figure things out so that it is not this sudden change. Let me just walk you through my life these last couple of days....

At night I have been getting very little sleep. Annabelle has been waking up every 2-3 hours throughout the night and waking up at 6:45-7am. That leaves me feeling exhausted in the morning. Usually Patrick will wake up through out the night and help with Annabelle but because of his schedule, I want him getting all the sleep he can get so, I get up with the kids at night. Joshua for the most part sleeps through the whole night without waking up but sometimes he wants more water. During the day, we are home a lot because we only have one car, which Patrick takes to work, and its been too cold to go to the playground. Joshua loves being home and playing inside but, he is still a toddler with a lot of energy and needs to get out and run around. Here is what has been going on at home on a daily basis these past few days... messy meal times because Joshua wont be paying attention and spills his plate or cup everywhere and Annabelle will only eat if I cut food up small and let her feed herself, a whiny toddler that doesn't want to cleanup his toys, fights me on A LOT of things like, getting out of the bath, putting on jammies, changing his diaper, finishing his food, not doing things when I ask him to do it, INSISTING on me helping him recline the vacuum and pushing it back up (How dare I not be at his beckon call!) and just doing things in spite of what I tell him to do. Then, I have a 9 month old baby that is teething and just broke in her first tooth which means the other ones will be breaking in soon. She is more clingy then usual and in the evenings she is literally at my feet grabbing on me because she wants me to hold her. That makes making dinner and cleaning up, VERY difficult. Because she is completely mobile I have to keep picking her up and plopping her down with her toys. If I walk away from her or block her off where she cant get to me, she cries. I haven't been able to keep up with my daily to do's which ends up stressing me out. Being organized and staying on a schedule is what gets me through most days.

Aside from the kids, just life stuff.....only having one car is hard because I feel like I never leave the house. We have to strategically plan what errands to do on what days. We end up spending Patrick's day off checking off our to do list because its a lot easier to get certain things done with 2 people around. When we do that, we aren't spending quality family time together. The last 2 days things seem to be lightening up a tiny bit. Not much, but I'll take it. Since I became a mother 2 years ago I haven't felt like I needed a whole day just for me until recently. Before, I felt like I just needed a few hours or a morning to myself or something like that but not a whole day! I don't have many moments where I don't have the kids around me and I think it's healthy to balance being a mom and being Kaylee.

Slowly getting through these days one day at a time. I'm very happy with where my life is and usually in a good mood most days. Motherhood has just been kicking my butt lately.