My chains are gone

I have been set free! Free from the relationships from my past. Free from the guilt of the life I used to live. Free from the pain and suffering that stuck with me for years after my failed relationships. Free from the lies that I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy of anything.

It feels so good to say these things! Recently my husband and I have been working on our marriage and making a stronger and healthier connection. Physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. God has renewed me and healed me. For the last 6 years I have held onto my past. I have tried so hard to not do anything in my marriage that I have done in other relationships. Meaning, I tried to do everything opposite of what I did in past relationships because those relationships didn't work out and I wanted to be a changed person. That was probably the worst thing I could have done for my marriage. What I didn't realize was that I was not the reason those relationships didn't work out. I didn't mistreat the guys I was with, I loved them with everything I had. I sacrificed, compromised, respected and loved the best way I knew how to. So when I got married, I stopped all of those things because I thought I was doing something wrong.

Over the years, my husband has showed me unconditional love. He showed me (and still does) a kind of love I have never seen. He didn't give up when things got rough with us. He didn't just stick around because he thought I was really pretty. He chose to love me everyday because he saw something that no other man has seen in me. He didn't deserve the way I treated him and the lack of affection I showed. His love language is physical touch/affection and that was the one thing I always shyed away from. It made me uncomfortable. I didn't feel worthy of his affection. I didn't think I was desirable. It took me a while to really understand that he doesn't want affection from me because of his own needs, he wants affection from me because that's the way he knows he is loved. That's the way he feels loved and cared for. I was the same way before I met him. I have justified that physical touch is not my love language because of the way it was abused in the past. In fact, I felt used and unloved when Patrick showed me affection. Recently, God changed that for me.

I feel complete freedom in my marriage. I feel for the first time that I can love him with all that I have and I will not be taken advantage of or uncared for. He is with me for a lifetime and will be by my side through every road block and bump. We have had a great week spending more time together and showing each other more love and affection. It has felt so great to just let go and enjoy this love and to feel loved and desired. I am so lucky to have found this man that I can truely call mine and give him my love the way I want to.