Marriage: Getting through it together

This last weekend, my husband and I went kayaking in Frisco, Colorado. It was BEAUTIFUL! The air was so fresh and clean, the skies were the perfect blue with a few white fluffy clouds in sight, the water in the lake was the perfect temperature and so calm. The trees were tall and green and looked so still and peaceful. You could see the reflection of the trees and the sun sitting on top of the water. We stopped rowing for a moment to look around and enjoy where we were.

That was the first time we have ever kayaked together. I realized that our kayaking experience was similar to our marriage. When I was in the front, I needed him to communicate with me when he needed help turning so that our kayak wouldn't go in the wrong direction. I relied on him to follow my pace and follow my lead. I would tell him when we needed to turn and where I was trying to lead us. We needed to do this together. I needed him just as much as he needed me to get to our destination. When I was in the back, I would watch him paddle and go in sync with him. When he was going too fast, I told him that I needed him to slow down because I can't paddle that fast. I would let him know when I needed help turning because I wasn't strong enough to turn the kayak alone. When we went out the first time, Patrick was in the back and I was in the front. He wasn't watching my lead and he was just paddling on his own causing our paddles to constantly hit each other which slowed us down. He wasn't communicating much with me other than splashing me and laughing. Since I can't see him, I am just paddling at the pace that I was physically capable of and tried to turn us in the direction we needed to go. He stuck his paddle in the water without telling me to make a sharp turn and we lost all momentum. He didn't ask me to help him turn because he wanted to try to turn the kayak alone. Instead of turning us, it stopped us. Then we had to build our momentum back up by communicating. I was frustrated and tired from rowing. I know that he didn't intend to bring us to a stop so I showed him some grace and communicated with him how we can get our momentum back.

We recently had something come up in our marriage that felt just like our kayaking experience. I was rowing at the pace I know and since I can't see him I'm thinking he's following my lead and that we are just cruising along to get where we want to go. I wasn't expecting the sudden stop. It hurt really bad when the "kayak stopped". I wanted to react in a way that was unloving, ungodly and harsh. I knew that it wouldn't help our marriage and it would only make the situation worse. Instead, I decided to keep my thoughts focused on what our marriage needed and what direction we needed to go. I know it will take time and a lot of work to heal and get our momentum back. Right now, I am just hurting and working on showing him grace and forgiveness.

I learned that you have to work together, communicate and show grace. Neither person can do it alone. If you are constantly getting frustrated with each other and each trying to do it your own way, you will be working harder then you need to just to stay in the same spot. You get momentum going when you work as a team and tell each other what you need from that person. When you have momentum its important to take time and look around while you pull up the paddles and drift through the water. Take time to look around to get perspective on where you are. Talk about where you want to go and how you want to get there. It's important to invest in each other and to build a trust where you can rely on each other to lead your marriage in the right direction. Build each other up and encourage one another along your journey. Give grace when the other person makes a mistake and forgive.

Sometimes, we get caught up in what is going on in the kayak that we miss everything going on around us. We miss the beauty that we are surrounded by and the joy and fun that it can be doing life together. The journey is much more enjoyable when you work together and learn to follow each others lead and trust that they will help you through any obstacle.