My Journal

I have been struggling at finding my happiness. I used to be so fun and bubbly and loving and energetic and full of joy. I feel like I have gotten too serious in life and that I never balanced enjoying life and dealing with crappy things life threw at me.

Before I got married my husband and I always had fun even if it was just hanging around the house. I was head over heels in love with him. We had our ups and downs in our relationship but that didn't change the way I loved him. I wanted to see him everyday and always wanted to be near him. Close to him, touching him, cuddling him, kissing him... I was always thinking about him. The triggers I had from my past relationships got in the way of how I loved him. When we got married, I had so many triggers left and right. That is kind of where my happiness began to fade. Over the last 5 years there has been waves and seasons of when I was happy and bubbly and myself. But, these last 2 years, I have really lost myself and most of the happiness completely disappeared. The only thing that seemed to keep me smiling was sweet moments that I had with Joshua and now both of my kids. I need to change. I need to find myself again and become a happier and better person.

As I was writing in my prayer journal last night, I felt led to write out things that I can do to help create a happier me. I am sure that I am not alone in these thoughts and that there are other people that can relate to how I feel. So, I thought I would share my thoughts and journal with all of you.

I wrote out categories in my life and underneath them, I listed some things I can do that would make me feel happier related to that category. You can see in the photo of my journal, my ideas that I came up with. I want to set small goals daily. For example, I set a goal today to have more patience and to take a deep breathe when I feel stressed.

{Side note: I came up with that goal after I realized how snappy and short I was being with Joshua and how I wasn't attending to Annabelle the way she needed. The struggle was REAL this morning. Probably one of the toughest mornings I have had so far. Even though Joshua doesn't quite understand apologies and forgiveness... I literally sat on the couch and apologized to him after I FINALLY got Annabelle to stop crying and go to sleep. He gave me a hug and kiss after I apologized and was ready to play, it was cute. I needed to do that because it made me feel better}

Anyways, I want to start setting daily goals like that so that it is on my mind and I can really start to change and make myself better. I might even do weekly goals so that I can create habits out of some of these goals. In addition to my journaling and things that I am doing, I am praying everyday because I know God will change my heart and help me to become happier. I also need to keep my focus on Him. When I lose focus and focus on the stressful and negative things.. I become that!

*So, here is to becoming a healthier and happier me!