The Princess in the Castle

 A princess is stuck in a castle and ready to experience the world. She is dressed in a gorgeous soft gown with subtle diamonds dangling from her ears, a simple pink stone hanging from her neck that matches the details on her dress and a beautiful pink sapphire with diamonds all around it wrapped around her finger. Her soft sun kissed skin is glowing from the reflection of the sun in her room. Her hair is up into an elegant bun and she can feel the cool breeze as she stands in front of her bedroom window with her shoulders slouched and her head down. Wishing she could be exploring all the places she can see from the top of the castle. Wishing she could hear the sound of crowds laughing and talking. Wishing she could taste the delicious food this world has to offer. Wishing she could smell the mountain air and the salty seas. Wishing she could dance the night away with her prince charming. Wishing she could ride her horse into the woods. Wishing she could experience the joy that she see's other people experiencing. However, she is stuck in the top of this castle in her room filled with stone, fancy furniture and a beautiful wardrobe but no one to show if off too.

 Sometimes that is how I feel. A princess stuck in a castle wanting to get out and explore. I have never been a home body or liked to stay inside for longer then 2 days. Whether I would go to the store, a park, walk around the mall, or go to a friends house, I would always get out of the house everyday. Since becoming a stay at home mom and having the life events that have happened these past 2 years, I feel like I've been stuck in my castle. Once Joshua was about a year old, I started leaving the house again everyday. We would go to the store, a park or the library. That worked out well. We had a schedule and a routine that allowed him to nap, eat at the same time everyday and also get us out of the house everyday to explore things. Since having Annabelle I haven't been able to do that. She is still so little and needs sleep and a consistent feeding schedule. I feel like I can't give her that when we are out and about especially when I am by myself with them. With a toddler I can't just plop down on a bench, throw my nursing cover on and nurse Annabelle when she wants to nurse. I have to go to the car and put him in his car seat with some toys to entertain him because I cant nurse her and keep him from climbing all around the car. Since Annabelle likes to sleep on her tummy she doesn't stay asleep in her car seat very long which usually means when I go somewhere I take her out and wrap her in my Solly Baby wrap. Wearing Annabelle while containing a toddler is much easier then having her in a stroller but still not my kind of fun. Also, some days don't have a very good start to them so I don't even attempt to go out of the house those days. So I find it much less stressful to stay home with them even though its harder on me emotionally, physically and mentally. I know that this is just a period of time and that it will pass.

On Patricks' days off we usually get out of the house and do something. Sometimes its still stressful to go out even with both of us because Annabelle is so young that she doesn't enjoy it as much. Also, she gets over stimulated when there is a lot going on around her and she likes to have her calm/quiet time to settle down. I'm trying to find ways to feel good at home and not feel stuck. I know journal time helps me a lot with that, but I don't always have time to journal. Arts and crafts is a great thing for me to do at home but Joshua doesn't really understand a lot of the art projects. He still tries to eat the crayons every time we color.

I thrive off of adventure, music, people, dancing, exploring, outdoors, friends and delicious foods (whether that's cooking it or going out). As an extrovert I struggle with being indoors all the time and by myself (meaning no other adults to socialize with). I'm trying to figure out how to balance it all.