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Living with my parents

Admin
Jun 21, 2017
5 min read

I never thought I would be that girl living with her parents. Let alone with her family. I can definitely say it is a humbling experience. I'm just going to say it... We can not afford to live on our own and support our family the way we need to. I don't feel any guilt or shame for that because I know that we are doing everything we can now while the kids are little to make a better future for our family. Instead of stressing and living paycheck to paycheck in a tiny apartment I would rather be in a home with my parents so we can do what we need to do to get a career set so that we can provide for our family the way we want to.

-------------WARNING: This blog is a little longer because I am discussing 2 topics-------------------

I haven't lived with my parents in 10 years! My husband and I had our own apartment in California ever since we got married almost 5 years ago. So, to be living with my parents is a huge change for us. It's one thing to be living with my parents with just my husband.... but to add 2 little ones makes it much more chaotic!

Patrick and I decided that he is going to go back to pursuing his career as a firefighter. When we got married, he was a volunteer firefighter in California and he decided to pursue In N Out management as a career instead. He felt that the timing of becoming a firefighter wasn't right. He wasn't saying he will never go back, it was just a not right now, lets see where life takes me. We wouldn't go back on that decision because we were able to get married and live on our own because he got into management and it provided the income we needed. Also, he had an opportunity to work in ministry at the church he grew up in. That was an experience he will always be grateful for. If he was a firefighter at that time, he probably would have never had that chance.

In order for Patrick to pursue a firefighter career he will have to get certified again as an EMT. In 2011 he worked for an ambulance company as an EMT. He will also have to go to paramedic school in order to have a better chance at being hired on as a Paramedic Firefighter. After doing a lot of research, looking at finances and going back and forth trying to decide if he should do schooling in Colorado or California, we decided to stay at my parents and do the schooling in Colorado. It is financially impossible for us to have our own place in California while Patrick goes through paramedic school. We would need to live with family for about a year or a year in a half in order for him to knock it out. Otherwise, we would all be squeezed in a 1 bedroom apartment (thats all we could afford) and just barely get by. We have the opportunity to stay here in Colorado at my parents while Patrick gets all of his schooling done. We are still looking at what options we have in California to live rent free/cheap rent while Patrick is in medic school. So we have no idea yet where we will be at the beginning of next year.

With all that being said, that means we will have to stay at my parents for another 6 months and possibly a year :( I love my parents so much, don't get me wrong! But, as an established family, its hard to not have your own space and your own system of things. We have a very fortunate situation though. We have the whole upstairs which means we all have our own rooms. So, we have a lot of space upstairs and we also have a huge backyard and parks and pools that are walking distance from the house.

Now lets get into the living with my parents part.....

I feel that by living here essentially rent free (we put money towards groceries) I owe them respect of their home by doing things to help out around the house and to compromise some of the ways that I like to do things and do it the way they like to do it because it is their home. Patrick and I try to keep Joshua's toys cleaned up so that they don't have to trip over them. I always take the initiative to clean up after myself and Joshua during the day so they don't come home to someone else's mess. I also do a lot of the grocery shopping and a good amount of the cleaning (It's a group effort, so I'm not the only one). I have no problem serving in those ways and doing things that are not expected of me because it's how I show my love and appreciation. Whats difficult is that I don't want to do that any longer. I want to have my own home and my own system. To clean up and pick up after my own family and no one else. To walk around without a bra (Lets be real ladies...) and to not pick up my kids toys if I don't feel like it. However, I'm not in the position to have my own home and go by the beat of my own drum because of the position we are in financially. This is the part that is humbling. So for the next year/year and a half, I have to continue to serve and compromise the way I have been. My parents are amazing people (as you can tell from the pictures, they are a lot of fun) and they are very very very generous and reasonable. They have never once completely shot down a request I have made to make things feel more comfortable for me here. They have always been open to discussing what would work for all of us. I appreciate that about them so much. I know that some moms are in my same position but don't get along with their parents. My advice for that is to try and build a relationship with them and make sure to have open and healthy communication. It makes the experience much more miserable when there is not a good relationship. I have to be intentional about my stresses and frustrations because if I take everything out on them it will put tension between us and thats the last thing I want. It's a lot more work to live with other people and I knew I could handle a few months of it.. but a whole year sounds exhausting. But, this time will pass and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We just have to work hard to get there.

It's hard emotionally. To be 27 years old with a family and feel like I can't provide for my kids the way I want to and that I have to rely on my parents to support us is a fear I have always had. It makes me feel like I have failed somewhere. I am reminding myself daily that, that is not the case. We are not going through this journey with laziness or ignorance. We are processing every option and making the best choices that we think is best for us. We are working hard to achieve where we want to go in life. If that means to sacrifice our own desires for a period of time, then so be it. If we wanted to, Patrick could find a job that pays more so that we can be on our own again. But, he doesn't just want any job, he wants a career. A career that he is passionate about and has a calling for.

I know this will all be worth it down the road when we get the keys to our first home and can afford to experience things as a family and get things for our children that they need.

Thank you Mom & Tom for opening your home to my family <3