Sunny Days & Salty Waves

All of us have wounds from relationships, coworkers, friends, families or even people we are surrounded by daily either at school or work. Living every day with wounds takes away from the potential of living a happier life. I think its safe to say that a majority of people love the image of being at the beach on a warm sunny day. Driving on the streets by the beach with the windows down, music up and the sun hitting your skin just right makes you so anxious to find a parking spot so you can just get onto the warm sand and dive into the salty waves. I know I miss that feeling every sunny day here in Colorado.

We all want that season in life where everyday feels like a sunny day and the smell of beach on our skin and hair from the salty waves. I hope that this blog can encourage you and give you hope for that season to come in your life. We all go through different seasons in our lives at different times and we never know how long that season will last. I can say that I was in a rainy, stormy and dark season from the age of 15 to 22. If you would have asked me back then, I would of said I was fine and that life was great. Thats because I was wounded and numb. I didn't know how to heal my wounds and there were wounds there that I didn't even know about. When I became a Christian (October 2011), all my wounds were exposed and all the sudden I could feel them. Probably the most painful thing I have experienced. Not just physically but emotionally and mentally. Then, God started to heal me and I have the image of him pouring salt on my wounds. It felt as if I was walking into the salty waves with a bunch of wounds on my body. It stung and hurt and I wanted to run out of the water so that I didn't feel the pain. When I started to see that allowing Him to heal me was changing my life for the better, I didn't want the healing process to stop. So I stayed in the water until I knew my wounds were healed.

I got healing through books, people in my community, my relationship with my husband, family, counseling and prayer. I don't believe that true healing can come from just one source (thats just my experience and my opinion). As I saw Gods grace come over me forgiving me from the choices I made in the past I began to feel more loved and accepted. I was captivated. I had wounds from a divorced family and an alcoholic father, abused both physically and emotionally by men, friendships that made me believe I was accepted but instead was bullied and rejected, relationships that took advantage of my loving heart that just desired to be loved, being trafficed ("pimped out" in other terms), having an abortion when I was 18 and treating people that I cared about poorly because I was selfish and didn't know how to love. All of those were healed. Some wounds only took a few months to be healed and others took years. As life goes on, new wounds will come up. There are still a few wounds that are healing to this day, but they are getting better. Its a part of life and something we should always be working on and allowing God to heal us.

Since the healing has taken place in my life I have felt so free. I have been able to trust people again (including God) and forgive myself for the choices I made during that season of life. I can build healthy relationships and truly be happy for what I have in life. I don't deserve to have a Godly husband who truly loves me unconditionally. I don't deserve to have 2 children, a boy and a girl which is exactly what I wanted! I don't deserve to have a family who loves me so much and supports me the way they do. Thats the amazing thing about God and his grace. He gives us what we don't deserve to remind us that His love is greater than anything on this earth. Accepting that love and grace has changed my life.

If you are not apart of a community or church I strongly encourage you to start there. Open up to someone who is wise that you trust to help you walk through the healing process. Start going through a book with some other people that can relate to you. The books I read and recommend are Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge and Victim Of Grace by Robin Jones Gunn.

As I look out of my window right now I just see gloomy skies and rain drops on my window. What I feel inside of me is different then what I see. I feel the warm sun hitting my skin and I can see the waves crashing on the sand. I smile because I am so grateful to be where I am today.