Sit Still

I have learned in life that sometimes we need to just sit still. I am not good at sitting still. I like to be in control and plan things out that way I know what to expect and how to prepare for what will happen. I get literal anxiety when I can't control certain things. I can't control my pregnancy and how it affects my body. I can't control the labor process with Annabelle or the timing of it. I can't control not being able to keep up with my son. I can't control what happens before and after Annabelle comes. I can't control what happens with our insurance drama and Patricks job. I can't control life. All I can do is pray and seek God for wisdom and direction. I know that He can control all of the things that I can't.

I was thinking about life last night and was getting very emotional because I felt so frustrated that everything is out of my control right now. When I started to work through it in my head and think about how do I get through these next few months (giving birth, healing and adjusting to being a mom of 2 under 2) I thought about my grandma. What did my grandma do when everything was out of her control? She sat still and gave all her worries and fears to God. She was physically restricted and could not get out and do things (she loved to travel and be around people and family and be at the beach, we had that in common!). Watching cancer take over her slowly, I saw her start to slow down and be limited as to what she could do, eat and eventually say. Watching my grandma taught me a lot about what it actually looks like to sit still and let God be God. She would pray over her students and friends and family, she helped us as a family to process our grief that we knew was coming, she wasn't afraid to talk about death and she remained joyful during her suffering knowing that God was using her in many different ways. She prayed everyday asking God what he wanted her to do that day and knew that she was serving His purpose for her. So, I am encouraged to do the same. To start my day by asking God for his direction and what purpose he has for me. Even if it's to serve my family by cooking and cleaning while everyone is working.. it's what God wants. I will go through the days being joyful about what I have in my life and not spend the days worrying about what might or might not happen.

Sitting still to me means to listen to God. Not just talking to him but waiting to hear back from him. Giving him my concerns, my joys, my frustration, anything it is that I'm holding onto and then wait for his response. Sometimes he doesn't respond with words but he responds with comfort and his peace. Don't spend your days trying to control things to go the way you want it to go. Be content with where you are at the moment. By content I mean comfortable, at ease or fulfilled. Knowing that you are serving a purpose and be thankful for what you have, not what you don't have.

Sometimes waiting for an answer or waiting for a result can be the most challenging thing we do in life. I know myself and so many people that get literal anxiety attacks when they are stuck in that place. For me (and I hope it encourages you) sitting still is something I have to do to keep myself calm. Praying and having an outlet like painting, blogging, journaling, hiking, listening to music, or whatever it is you enjoy doing can help keep your mind from wandering to anxious thoughts. While I anxiously await the arrival of my baby girl I am doing exactly those things. I am praying for God's peace and comfort everyday. I find activities to do with my son that help me to not let my mind fill with worries and fears. At night when the day is done I have to pray with my husband and allow him to help me be calm. I like to be independent and figure things out myself, but I really need his help on this whole sitting still thing. He will massage my feet and shoulders, he will play endless games of Madden with me on the xbox, and he will stay up with me and just talk if thats what I need. He reminds me that it will all go according to Gods plan. If you don't have a spouse or significant other to help you through that, find a friend or parent or whoever your go to person is to help you. We are not meant to go through this alone. It's hard to sit still when we feel like there is so much to worry about and we think we can handle it all and control our circumstances. We can only control how we respond. How do you choose to respond to your circumstances?

Sit still and let God be God.

Philippians 4:6-9

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.